Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
