Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
