Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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