My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
