I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
