i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
