I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
