he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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