I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
