Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
