I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
