dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
