She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
