I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
