I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
