u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
