I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Houston, we have a squirter
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
