I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
