My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
