This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
