Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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