AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
