Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
