i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
