So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
