Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
