Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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