Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
