Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
