I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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