Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
