If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
