i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
