my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
