Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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