Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
