I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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