I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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