oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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