The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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