Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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