I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
