Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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