she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
