i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
