The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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