If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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