the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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