Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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