Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
