you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
