it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
