turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
