I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
