Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
