you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
