Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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